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Are there narcissists in your life who are just obviously hateful? Do y'all ask yourself, "How can someone be and so mean?" Exercise yous wonder sometimes how they even come up upward with their aggressive and vengeful antics? Are you shocked at the ability of mean people and their ability to trigger your emotions?

I believe in basic human kindness and goodness. It seems that virtually people desire to exist the best person they can exist and to treat others with compassion and love. But if yous have a narcissist in your life, you will likely experience the darker side of human nature.

Narcissists are kind and good to you lot only when it works for them. If things don't go their way, you will see their anger, aggression, and castigating behavior. It tin can come out of nowhere and take you by surprise.

When blindsided like this, you may scratch your head wondering what merely happened and what y'all did to cause it? Let's look at this dynamic that happens with narcissists and explains why people often say, "I have to walk on eggshells around that person," who may be your parent, your partner, your dominate, your friend, or other connections.

At the root of the meanness in narcissists is what we telephone call the "narcissistic injury." According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Transmission of Mental Disorders (DSM):

"Vulnerability in self-esteem makes individuals with narcissistic personality disorder very sensitive to 'injury' from criticism or defeat. Although they may not show it outwardly, criticism may haunt these individuals and leave them feeling humiliated, degraded, hollow and empty. They may react with disdain, rage, or defiant counterattack."

So, something happens to the narcissist that creates this reaction. It may exist something to do with yous or someone else, but yous become the target because you are there. They don't bargain with their own feelings but take their feelings out on others. Several dynamics cause the hateful reaction:

• Self-Esteem Threatened. Considering the narcissist has a shaky and fragile ego, their self-esteem can be threatened hands.
• Jealousy. Information technology's common for a narcissist to experience jealousy often. If someone is more advanced at some skill, has more success, looks better, gets more than attention, is better liked, etc., it can cause jealous aggression in the narcissist. The narcissist is not likely to exist happy for someone else doing well.
• Projection. When the narcissist is having a bad day with bad feelings, rather than embrace those feelings and work them out, they volition project them onto others. So, if they feel injure, they will project that hurt by trying to injure someone else to make themselves experience better. (I know, it's weird.)
• Competition. Narcissists are fiercely competitive and not in a good manner. To feel OK about themselves, they have to experience bigger, better, more accomplished, etc. Competition in narcissistic families is very common. Often siblings are not encouraged to exist close or support each other but rather to compete.
• Abandonment. If you abandon a narcissist in a human relationship, divorce, or something like, the egotistic injury gets triggered and that revengeful counterattack takes off. They volition attempt to hurt you even if it hurts their ain children. We see this a lot in high-conflict divorces with narcissists in which children are used every bit pawns to hurt the narcissist's ex-spouse.
• Not Getting Enough Admiration. The narcissist requires excessive admiration. They demand praise, gratitude, and compliments for anything and everything they do for you. If you don't supply this, their revenge, disdain, and criticism come up raging out.
• Sense of Entitlement is Threatened. The narcissist has unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment and automatic compliance to their every wish and desire. For example, don't brand them stand in line.

When the narcissist comes unhinged and the mean behavior begins, it is important to know it is not your mistake and has goose egg to do with you. It comes from their ain fragile sense of self, insecurities, and self-loathing. Merely it tin be powerful and hurtful especially if they are a partner, parent, or soon-to-exist ex-friend.

6 Tips for Dealing with a Narcissist

1. Don't expect empathy. That's non in their toolbox.
2. Don't expect accountability. That's as well missing.
3. Don't expect apologies. Nope, besides missing.
4. Don't blame yourself.
5. Practice work on any personal shame you might have from past mistakes. If you are feeling bad about yourself, y'all volition be more vulnerable to narcissistic rage.
6. Exercise clean up and process your own trauma. Recovery work is essential if you take been in any kind of relationship with a narcissist.

I have always been fond of this quote by the Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." It is common for most of us to keep wishing and hoping the narcissist will change. But retrieve, we tin simply change ourselves.

Come bring together in our discussion and tell us how you have dealt with mean people.

• What Is Narcissism?
• Find a therapist who understands narcissism

Click hither for additional resources.

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Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201908/why-are-mean-people-so-powerful

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